Sarah Rowan: Painting the Truth | Sharing Stories Changing Lives
From secret love and survival to reclaiming her voice, Rowan reminds us there’s nothing to prove—only rooms inside us waiting to be reopened.
Dive Deeper: The Full Conversation with Sarah Rowan
The Core Story
Sarah Rowan, in the artworld known as Rowan, grew up in the Bible Belt where obedience meant safety—and silence. In this raw, luminous conversation, she shares what it cost to hide her truth, the moment the “rug” could hold no more, and how art became both lifeline and liberation.
Full Transcript
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[00:00:05] CW Voiceover: Welcome to Sharing stories, changing Lives, A Story Room Global production, presented by Karen Sander, A collection of authentic voices, real moments. And conversations that open hearts and shift perspectives. When we listen deeply, stories have the power to change how we see ourselves and the world through a new lens.
[00:00:37] CW Voiceover: This is where real stories meet real change.
[00:00:48] CW Voiceover: There are some people who don't just tell stories. They become them. They wear them on their skin, they carry them in their bodies. They turn pain into color. [00:01:00] Silence into motion and truth into art. Today, you'll meet one of these people. Sarah Rowan is a speed painter, a keynote speaker, a woman who grew up deep in the Bible Belt of South Carolina.
[00:01:17] CW Voiceover: She learned obedience early and spent years trying to live inside a life that looked right but felt wrong in her bones. Her story is not neat. It's not linear, and it doesn't fit comfortably inside boxes. It's a story about secrecy and survival about creativity as a lifeline and what happens when you stop living for approval and start listening to truth.
[00:01:45] CW Voiceover: This conversation is about art, identity, courage, and the quiet daily work of becoming. Who you really are. I'm Karen Sander, and this is sharing [00:02:00] stories, changing lives.
[00:02:04] CW Voiceover: So right now we are speaking to artist Sarah Rowan, who likes to be known as Rowan. Hi Rowan.
[00:02:13] CW Voiceover: Hey Karen. So great to be here today.
[00:02:16] CW Voiceover: I have to thank you because look, um, last year I met you, at an event and then you were speed painting at an event for me, which, oh my God, I'm so grateful. But the experience watching you on stage and dancing with your two paintbrushes to Aretha Franklin, the audience was just in this moment of , wow. And as you revealed the painting, as it was twisted around, people were just so surprised to find an elephant. And people love elephants and wow, Sarah. That room was just, such a buzz that night. So let's get [00:03:00] down to learning more about you. So Rowan, you grew up in South Carolina deep in the Bible Belt where obedience was learned early and praised often, can you paint a picture of that world, what it looked like and what was expected of you when it comes to being a good daughter?
[00:03:25] Rowan: That's a fun story to unravel.
[00:03:27] Karen (2): I like stories.
[00:03:29] Rowan: Being raised in a very religious culture meant that you didn't really see anybody. Outside of your little bubble because you were encouraged to stay within it.
[00:03:41] Rowan: And so all of my friends were also in religious homes. My family was all religious, and if you ever saw someone stray from the straight and narrow, you would mentally send them love and prayers, but quietly judge them. And I found [00:04:00] myself being the little goody two shoes I was upset, like I was that typical southern Christian girl who was a people pleaser.
[00:04:10] Rowan: And in that environment, you're not really encouraged to find your intuition. You're not really encouraged to find your own voice because that is considered dangerous and untrustworthy. So you're always considered, a good, awesome person. If you give all of your thoughts, process, ideas, dreams, goals, everything over to Jesus basically, and to trust your parents with every life decision because they know what's best for you.
[00:04:43] Karen (2): It's so far from my understanding, you know, I wasn't brought up in a religious household. It was right and wrong and be kind, and they were the three rules. And my father always said to me, Karen, [00:05:00] the reins long and we had horses. The reins long. Until you are doing the wrong thing and then they'll be reeled back in so fast you won't know what hit you.
[00:05:14] Rowan: Yeah. With my own children, I try to do the what's helpful versus not helpful, rather than right and wrong.
[00:05:21] Karen (2): Yeah.
[00:05:21] Karen (2): So, in that en environment, obedience wasn't just encouraged, it was a form of love and safety.
[00:05:30] Rowan: Mm-hmm.
[00:05:31] Karen (2): What did obedience teach you about yourself and did it quietly ask you, um, to put something away?
[00:05:40] Rowan: Yes, so I found myself, constantly living in a state of wanting to be perfect. If I so much as had a negative thought, I would like, tell myself off, I, my parents hardly had to discipline me, but they said by the time I was a teenager they would just so much as [00:06:00] look at me sternly and I could burst into tears. 'Cause I was just that determined to be, just to never rock the boat. It was not something I thought about. I remember one time when I was a teenager, my mother said the C word crap.
[00:06:14] Karen (2): Oh, my mind went somewhere
[00:06:15] Rowan: else. I know all Australians do and I remember. That at that time I probably was just 16 years old, and I even disciplined her. I was like, mom, that's a gateway word. If you say the C word, it might lead to the S word. Like we never even used the F bomb. Like I didn't even say I think the F bomb until I was 25.
[00:06:39] Rowan: It just wasn't a part of my life. And then when I was 18, I realized something dreadful for me at the time, and that was that I was not attracted to the opposite sex, which in that environment doesn't exist. It's like the unspoken shep, wait, you cannot be gay. They don't even say that. They'd say, same sex attraction.[00:07:00]
[00:07:00] Rowan: And so I just shoved everything under a rug and got to the point where, after two years of struggling with same sex attraction and falling head over heels with this beautiful girl in college, I started going through conversion therapy and I put myself through it because I was so ashamed and I just was riddled with guilt and shame from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep for the thoughts that would go through my head.
[00:07:27] Rowan: And it was just a brutal way to experience love and, affection. It was like so traumatic because you feel like the scum of the earth and like you don't deserve to live because you're just gonna be a stain on your family and a stain on the church that, I was so extreme about that it was fearful and that I just went through year after year of conferences and 12 week programs where they just try to, you [00:08:00] know, cast demons out of you and convince you that your thoughts are more about your, for instance, I told a counsellor that I was attracted to a girl. And they said, well, what about her are you attracted to? And I was like, well, she's pretty. She's funny. And they would stop me and say, oh, you're not really attracted to her. You're attracted to things about her that you wish you had in your own life.
[00:08:25] Karen (2): Interesting, isn't it?
[00:08:26] Rowan: And it's like so twisted. But when you're 19, 20 years old and you're so determined to live on the path that you were raised on, it makes sense and you convince yourself of that. And it was just brutal.
[00:08:39] Karen (2): That rug that you swept all that under. I hope you've thrown it out.
[00:08:44] Rowan: I shook that thing so violently, but it did take me until the age of 38, after being married for 12 years in a mixed orientated relationship, having a 7-year-old and a 10-year-old at the time where I just couldn't, that one more thought could not fit under that rug.
[00:08:58] Karen (2): Look, there's so, [00:09:00] yeah, go on. Sorry.
[00:09:00] Rowan: I was gonna say I was tripping all over it.
[00:09:02] Karen (2): Honestly, wouldn't it be great if, if all it took was to pick up the rug and throw it out?
[00:09:08] Rowan: Yes.
[00:09:10] Karen (2): Okay. Off with those,
[00:09:11] Rowan: yeah. When I'm speaking to audiences, I often refer to a metaphor that a lot of people can relate to it.
[00:09:17] Rowan: I say that when we're born, we're all born a castle with a thousand rooms, and in every single one of those rooms is a gift waiting for us. Our parents come alone and they say, oh, we don't really use that room in this family. And boom, the door gets shut. And then you go to the playground and your friends are like, you look silly in that room.
[00:09:33] Rowan: And boom. Then you go to school and your teachers are like, oh, you're not really good at that room. And boom. And just all these aspects of ourself just get shut and shut and shut. And by the time we reach adulthood, we believe we're nothing more than a mere two bedroom apartment that needs work.
[00:09:48] Karen (2): Yeah.
[00:09:49] Rowan: And I feel like the reason why midlife crisises occur is because that's when the doors start to shake and they're rattling,
[00:09:59] Rowan: you start [00:10:00] tripping on the rugs, and it's like you are faced with this loud house wanting to come alive that you just can't keep silent anymore.
[00:10:09] Karen (2): Another thing you said earlier, people pleaser, you know, some of us in this world are people pleasers. Oh my God, that is not a nice trait to have.
[00:10:20] Rowan: It's exhausting.
[00:10:22] Rowan: It is. It's physically, emotionally, and you lose track of who you are. You lose track of what you like. I remember after I left my husband of 12 years, I sat down in front of the TV and flipped on the remote and an hour later I was still flipping 'cause I had no idea what I like to watch. Or if I would go to listen to music, I was like, what kind of music do I like to listen to?
[00:10:41] Rowan: I'd go to make a meal. I'm like, what food do I like? And just really listening to myself was hard. And it was years of just finding my feet and finding my voice. I even just recently was in Bali two weeks ago and I got a throat [00:11:00] chakra tattooed on the back of my neck.
[00:11:03] Karen (2): You and your one
[00:11:04] Rowan: to remind myself to open my bloody voice and find it in times where I'm still seeking it out.
[00:11:13] Karen (2): I have to say, you're not on your own when it comes to finding your voice, but some people do it really easily and sometimes they go, oh my God, I wish I could do that.
[00:11:24] Rowan: And sometimes people are a little too open and you're like, oh, where's the filter?
[00:11:29] Karen (2): Yeah. Yeah, they are. But even, you know, I, I always say I would never make a good boss.
[00:11:34] Karen (2): And you know, me, my boss Karen is not a nice person to me, but to everybody else, she's really nice. And I just think I would never have made a good manager because I would struggle with difficult conversations.
[00:11:51] Rowan: Very, I can relate to that. I struggle with confrontation. My partner and I, she's so awesome.
[00:11:58] Rowan: We both struggle with [00:12:00] confrontation, so it's really hilarious because we've never argued in four years, and I think it's because we both so respectful of each other that if there's any friction, we just sit down and chat it through, like adults, because neither of us have a desire to yell or get angry. It's just not a part of our nature. And it's led to extremely beautiful, healthy relationship because yeah, there are times where we disagree, but we just have a conversation and I didn't know that that was, so possible. Like it's beautiful.
[00:12:33] Karen (2): Now you fell in love with a woman in your art class. You couldn't speak about this love.
[00:12:43] Karen (2): How did the two of you communicate?
[00:12:47] Rowan: So when you are 19 years old and you're not allowed to hold hands in public or show any affection, because all the, the very heavily Christian world that we were in would've just grabbed the rocks and stones and [00:13:00] beat us to pieces..
[00:13:01] Rowan: So we would go up to one another and if I just gently put my hand on her shoulder, I could just put my thumb against it and just tap three times.
[00:13:09] Rowan: And that meant I love you. And we were never really able to have closure to our relationship. 'cause our parents separated as quickly when they realized that we looked at each other in a way that two girls don't and they would refuse to let us attend the same art classes.
[00:13:26] Rowan: And , it was a big frustrating thing. But throughout both of our marriages to men, we, because there was no closure, we were never given that chance. We found that every few years we would start writing each other after not being allowed to message each other. And things would get a little heated as in loving.
[00:13:47] Rowan: And then one year from my birthday, I checked my, her Instagram. 'cause I wasn't like allowed to follow her, but, you know, I'd figure it out, look it up, and then delete the fact that I looked her up. It was a horrible way to live. But she had gotten that tattooed on her wrist [00:14:00] and it was just like, oh my gosh.
[00:14:02] Rowan: And so then year, a couple years later, I told my husband it meant something else to me and I got it tattooed on mine. And it was just, it's really a sad, almost pathetic process. But then my husband kind of gave up after so many years of us with our, our struggle that he took me to her house in South Carolina and said, you know what, figure your shit out.
[00:14:24] Rowan: Just figure it out. And because we were given that freedom to speak, we realized that 17 years later we were very different people and we just moved on. And it was really nice to just have a eight hour conversation, find catch up on 17 years and just move on.
[00:14:42] Karen (2): But how intuitive of your husband and how brave of him really,
[00:14:46] Rowan: He knew he was throwing a lot of cards on the table.
[00:14:49] Rowan: I got closure with her and I knew I was at the breaking point with him anyway, it was within six months I left him after that because I was like, wait, I'm not attracted [00:15:00] to her anymore in that way. Bless her, move on with her life. And then he and I, it was never gonna work long term and I was like, it just, just that moment of brave, that spontaneous and I watched The Greatest Showman in 2017 on Boxing Day and when the bearded lady sang "This is Me, something inside of me just shifted and it was like the final domino I needed to hear to love myself for who I was.
[00:15:28] Rowan: 'cause at that point, I couldn't feel like I was off the stage. I'd get on stage to perform as a painter or a speaker, but then when I stepped off the stage, I still felt like I was performing 24 7 trying to be this straight, stereotypical woman. And it wasn't working.
[00:15:47] Karen (2): I wanna, I'm jumping forward and I wanna come back to your marriage.
[00:15:51] Karen (2): There was another way. I've been reading a lot about you. I've been reading all your beautiful blogs on your website and there was one [00:16:00] where you talked about a woman you were in love with, but you couldn't say the word love, but you said it in the terms of the Japanese art form.
[00:16:13] Rowan: So the love of my life, Liz, she and I have been together four years now. When we first met, both of us had been so hurt by our experiences of love in the past that we are afraid to ever say the word. We're engaged now and we say it all the time, but at the first six months or so, we were having those feelings, but we're still terrified of love. So we started saying, I Kintsugi you and Kintsugi is that Japanese art form where gold leaf is placed into broken vessels and in repaired, and you can see proudly that beautiful gold leaf in the broken pottery vessel. We both felt like the gold within us was healing the broken pieces of each other.
[00:16:57] Rowan: And so then we both got that tattooed on our [00:17:00] ankle at the one year mark.
[00:17:02] Karen (2): Because kintsugi has come into my world, quite frequently in the last 12 months through a charity, and I've learned more about it and it is about making something that's broken more beautiful. So yeah, thanks for sharing that and how you were able to say.
[00:17:19] Karen (2): I love you. I Sugi you. I think it's gorgeous.
[00:17:23] Rowan: It's, it is nice. And then recently I purchased a wallet that was way overpriced, but literally purchased it. 'cause it was called the Kintsugi Wallet.
[00:17:30] Karen (2): Look at this bottle.
[00:17:33] Rowan: I've got so much Kintsugi stuff
[00:17:37] Karen (2): that comes from Kintsugi Heroes,
[00:17:39] Rowan: he's a great guy.
[00:17:40] Karen (2): Yeah, Ian and he's, he's really fabulous what they're doing. But that's how I've learned about it because Sarah, truthfully, I am really envious of you because I do not have an artistic bone in my body. Creative in other ways, but not, and so, yeah, I, [00:18:00] I call bullshit
[00:18:00] Rowan: on that one,
[00:18:01] Karen (2): okay.
[00:18:01] Rowan: And anybody who's ever said that, just listen to this. Okay? You have over like 300 million brain cells. And the definition of creativity, particularly for your generation, Karen, is why you don't feel like you're creative, because in your mind, I'm guessing it fits under drama, music, art. Is that what you think?
[00:18:23] Karen (2): Well, yes.
[00:18:25] Rowan: Okay. You need to read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.
[00:18:29] Karen (2): Okay.
[00:18:30] Rowan: In it, she describes creativity as simply choosing a path of curiosity over a path of fear. And every day we have choices. Do we make a dish that we've never made before? I'm curious. Or you go, oh, I'm too afraid. What if it doesn't turn out and I don't like it?
[00:18:53] Rowan: Choose that curious path and make the dish. I did that yesterday and my kids were like, oh my God, this is so delicious. I've never liked, couscous [00:19:00] before. So I was like, what do I do to couscous to make it something I would like? And I put in all these ingredients that I loved, including dates and the capsicum and the cucumber, and then my daughter's like, oh, I looked up a recipe for a sauce.
[00:19:13] Rowan: Do we have mayo? Do we have, mustard? I'm like, Nope. Went to the shops. Got it. She mixed that up with lemon juice and some, coriander and threw that on top, and all of a sudden we all just got curious about a simple dish that is creativity. I think it's creative to love somebody. It's creative to take a different path when you're walking a dog to when you're, you know, just, I think our definition is so small.
[00:19:44] Karen (2): And, I am with you in a lot of ways in terms of my creativity, is that I turned this whole freaking story room global into something from nothing.
[00:19:54] Rowan: Freaking heck. You're so creative with words. It's ridiculous. You are so bloody creative.
[00:19:59] Karen (2): I [00:20:00] know, and I look at creative sometimes in that, pick up a paintbrush or draw something and I'm into sausage dogs that have like a peanut body and a tail, and four stick legs.
[00:20:10] Rowan: That Counts
[00:20:11] Karen (2): . Getting back to you, you did marry a man because you were told to, it's almost like the arranged marriage, isn't
[00:20:19] Rowan: it? It really felt arranged and I convinced myself, it was arranged by the Lord and it was all gonna be okay, and that when I said do at the aisle that some magic fairy dust would hit me. It come straight, like I literally convinced myself at work.
[00:20:31] Karen (2): Uh, unbelievable. But you then moved almost straight away. This parallels with a girlfriend of mine that did ask for an arranged marriage. Oh. And almost straight away, after they married, they moved to Australia and you did the same thing.
[00:20:46] Rowan: Six weeks after marriage we moved to Australia.
[00:20:48] Karen (2): Oh, she beat you? She was three.
[00:20:50] Rowan: Oh, wow. We had three garage sales in that time, trying to sell everything and just moved here with two bags.
[00:20:55] Speaker: Oh, but you came here for art, for Bible [00:21:00] studies.
[00:21:00] Rowan: Bible School.
[00:21:01] Karen (2): Oh, that's right. Bible school. Okay.
[00:21:05] Rowan: Was a lifetime ago.
[00:21:06] Karen (2): How was Bible school here?
[00:21:09] Rowan: Oh my gosh. Well, within six months I was so, suicidal, to be honest, because I wasn't straight and I was really struggling. So every single day on the way to Bible school, I would ask the Lord to let a bus hit me. That's how I felt. I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh.
[00:21:26] Rowan: That's, it's, it's funny now, like to look back. You kind of have to laugh about how we take things so seriously. I was listening to a podcast the other day and he's like, why do we take life so seriously when 150 years down the track, no one is gonna even know our name? I was like, that's a, unless you are an inventor or a Rembrandt.
[00:21:49] Rowan: Like, no one's gonna know who you are? No. We take life so bloody seriously. And every decision, you know, doing a pros and cons. I love Australia [00:22:00] where I, one time when I first arrived, I shared an idea with somebody and I would normally take forever to come to a conclusion as to whether it was the right or wrong path.
[00:22:10] Rowan: And they're like, have a go your mug. What did you just say? Have a go. Your mug. So true. We just need to like, take
[00:22:20] Karen (2): a chance. Yeah. Well that was the start really of you, you know, your life changing, but you went on and had a family with your husband. You were married for 12 years. Just a little bit of insight into that.
[00:22:32] Karen (2): You don't have to go deep, deep, but
[00:22:36] Rowan: Well, I've tried to convince myself that I loved him more than my sexuality because he was a great guy. We got along. Played sports together. We played music together. He was a cellist. I was a painter. We performed on stages around the world. I got to go on tour across Europe where he'd play cello guitar and digeridoo and sing.
[00:22:57] Rowan: And I would paint and [00:23:00] then we were on Australia's Got Talent. But don't look it up because it never aired.
[00:23:05] Karen (2): I tried.
[00:23:08] Rowan: We got two yes' and two nos. But I'm, I was really grateful that it never excelled. 'cause then it would've been a lot more difficult as a performing duo to end things. And we managed to have a pretty decent, healthy relationship despite everything. 'Cause I was very good at shoving things under the rug for the first eight years.
[00:23:30] Karen (2): That bloody rug.
[00:23:31] Rowan: That bloody rug. But then there are starts, would you pray to change something that just is not changeable for eight years? You get tired. And he was so patient and so loving. I was like, well, I gotta just keep shoving shit under the rug because how could I do that to him?
[00:23:54] Rowan: How could I do that to two young girls? But I would read them bedtime stories and they would say, mommy, why [00:24:00] are you crying? And it was because I'd be reading them bloody Cinderella, where you know, prince Charming, all these little Disney stories. And I was like, well, I want a princess. I don't want the prince.
[00:24:11] Rowan: And so I'd find myself in this dark, dark darkness of the soul without any friend that I felt like I could talk to. But my friends that weren't religious could see the struggle. And it was very clear why to them. And I remember one of them taking my hands in her face and saying, look at me dead in the eye and she said, it's better to be a gay momma than a dead one. And that domino was another key. That love and that validation and that release. So yeah, it was a big, big journey, ups and downs. And I would go to church and I'd feel straight for about two days and then my Tuesday I'd be like, I can't do this anymore.
[00:24:59] Rowan: And [00:25:00] I started depending on like marijuana or alcohol just to get into a state of mind where I could just keep shoving under the rug. And I didn't like that about myself, so I started hating myself even more. And by the age of 30 I couldn't walk. One day I just woke up and my whole body had just like given up and found out I was riddled with rheumatoid arthritis.
[00:25:20] Rowan: And I'd been like division two NCAA basketball scholarship athlete. And so to suddenly not be able to open and close my hands, I was using paintbrushes taped from my wrist. I was putting them in my mouth 'cause I couldn't hold. Hold a paintbrush. I couldn't reach into my pocket to like get my phone because my fingers couldn't open. I was like all gnarled up at 30 so my body was screaming.
[00:25:45] Rowan: You know, our bodies will scream.
[00:25:48] Karen (2): Oh, they do have a way of screaming, don't they?
[00:25:50] Rowan: Yes, they do. They do.
[00:25:53] Karen (2): So eventually,
[00:25:55] Rowan: yes.
[00:25:56] Karen (2): Obedience
[00:25:57] Rowan: Yes.
[00:25:57] Karen (2): Went out the door. Hundred
[00:25:59] Rowan: [00:26:00] percent.
[00:26:01] Karen (2): And you started to live your truth. What did that look like? What did it cost you?
[00:26:07] Rowan: It was a massive, massive cost, but the payoff was so worth it in the end. I, because at that point I was known throughout church as like a prophetic artist. And I would paint live during worship and I was occasionally preaching and kind of well known in the community. I couldn't just quietly come out. 'cause people would be like, wait, why isn't she on stage? So first off, I sat down with my husband. I said, you deserve a woman that can love you for you, and so do I. And I'm leaving and I had $24, two bags and no super and I moved in next door. We at that point in time, we were so broke, we were living in a one room granny flat on the back of a house [00:27:00] and it was an older couple that lived there and they're like still great friends to this day. They let me move into one of their spare rooms so I could be mom and yet have space to process this big transition. I also made a video on YouTube that explained what I was doing, what I was and why I was doing, and I said, please, if you can no longer follow me as part of this journey, please let go. And I lost 1500 friends overnight and it was fantastic. They all just left. I got quite a bit of hate. Quite a bit of kickback, quite a bit of you're gonna burn in hell forever. But I didn't care. I felt happy as could be. And then I got a flat tyre and I didn't care, even though I had no money, no way to figure it out. I was just riding high and this person walks up to me, this gentleman, and he said to me, with his arms raised in surrender, he goes, it's the 21st century. You look [00:28:00] highly capable, but if you need my help, I'm here. I was like, yes, please help me change this tire. And after about 30 minutes, I said to him, what do you do for a living?
[00:28:10] Rowan: He said, oh, I'm the producer of Studio 10. And I said, without missing a beat, I said, oh, that explains why I have a flat tyre, you need me on your show. And the next week I was on Studio 10 for three hours painting live and then was interviewed and my poor mother, it said across the screen how coming out changed my art.
[00:28:31] Rowan: And my story from the YouTube thing was then put onto national television and , I think I needed to go a bit crazy. Like I needed to be loud and out and proud because I'd been silent for so long.
[00:28:48] Karen (2): Mm-hmm.
[00:28:48] Rowan: It wasn't pretty, it was very messy. The communication with my ex turned messy. It wasn't a helpful way of doing it. I'm not proud of the way at all, went , but [00:29:00] it's not like I'd ever spoken on my behalf before. It's not like I'd followed my own intuition before. So if you start doing that at 38, of course it's gonna come out like you're 18.
[00:29:10] Karen (2): I was about to say how old were you? But you know, the next thing that happened was this creative journey. You really threw yourself into art. And you talked about creative futurism. How has your art really helped you to heal?
[00:29:35] Rowan: I find art is, it's kind of like getting in a river where I'm able to create and feed myself and process things. And that creation then travels down the river and then people who are on the river bank can take from it and they can be [00:30:00] nourished. Because I found other people reaching out to me and saying, oh, you've inspired me to leave my relationship 'cause I've been in the same shoes as you, and thank you for being brave.
[00:30:11] Rowan: So I found that that journey of life that we're on, it's like very cyclical. So I was taking inspiration from other heroes and people were taking inspiration from me and we're feeding each other and there's like this creative process. Just a year prior to coming out I painted a portrait of myself where I had ripped off my head and the images from the back, so you're like, you're looking at the back of me and I'm standing on a tightrope and I had one head of mine and one head hand stretched out to the right. And that was like, good Sarah. And then bad Sarah was stretched out to the left and both faces were looking at each other. I am a Gemini, and they were screaming, and blood is squirting out now that would be [00:31:00] traumatic as it is. But I decided I was gonna paint it inside a scene. And that scene was the Royal Albert Hall of Melbourne. 'cause I wanted the red and gold chairs. And then I filled the audience with peoples, with pitchforks and bibles and guns because I, as a performer had always had my back to the audience, but in this case, I was facing them and saying, can you love me for me? And I was receiving all their hate and I was showing my tornness and I was like literally in the shape of a cross, ironically. And so I processed it out through art. Images like that. Ironically, six months after painting that I found out I was gonna perform on that stage for Australia's got talent facing, the judges, facing the audience. I stood on that stage and I didn't even know it until I stood on the stage, I was like, oh my God, this is the image I worked from. I literally painted my future. It's
[00:31:58] Karen (2): Wow, that's very [00:32:00] powerful.
[00:32:00] Rowan: Yeah.
[00:32:01] Karen (2): Your body carries lots of stories, but I wanna talk Yeah. I wanna talk about a couple of them.
[00:32:11] Rowan: Okay.
[00:32:12] Speaker: The postcode,
[00:32:14] Rowan: ah, 2 5 0 8. So back in 2016, 2017, I was still in the church at the time and I thought, how do I capture, 'cause it's the, my right. It's on my right hand. 2 5 0 8 with typewriter font. And I was like, how do I capture the story of this woman that has really impacted me in a unique way? And her name's Christine Caine. She is in the church, but she's doing stuff far greater and beyond it and it's rescuing children out of human trafficking. And I'd heard about her story when I was pregnant with my firstborn and I was actually listening to it while having Braxton and Hicks. So it was a full on, [00:33:00] like I was going through like early labour pains and I'm hearing this woman talk about human trafficking and how there's 40 million slaves on the planet and lots of them are children. And I was like, oh my gosh. And here's like this beating baby girl in my belly. And she shared her story where she had been abandoned at a Sydney hospital by her mother back in the seventies and given the number 2, 5 0 8 because the mother hadn't named her before leaving the hospital. She had every opportunity as someone that was rejected by a mother to not live a full life, to have even been aborted, but she decided that she was gonna live a big, beautiful, huge life. And it made me think about how every life does matter. And even though I am pro-choice, I think that we often don't realize what the potential inside of us. And so I have that on my wrist to remind myself of the potential inside of us. 'Cause we we're all like seeds, right? Mm-hmm. We don't know if we're an apple [00:34:00] tree. We don't know if we're a eucalyptus huge. We don't know if we're like a tiny little shrub. And so I think we just need to like get ourselves in the ground and water it and take nourish ourselves, take care of ourselves, fertilize ourselves, self-love.
[00:34:14] Rowan: So that, oh, and then ironically, so her number was 2 5 0 8, and then I happened to be living in the, the post postal code, the post that I still live in. I am in Helensburg, New South Wales, 2 5 0 8. And yes, when I do forget my postal code, at times I just look at my wrist.
[00:34:31] Karen (2): And you know what, I don't believe that's a coincidence.
[00:34:34] Rowan: No, no.
[00:34:38] Karen (2): What do you love about art and losing yourself in a painting?
[00:34:48] Rowan: There are so many aspects of that process. Unfortunately not in the flow as much as I would like to be, partially because most of my artists created on stage in three to minutes to 30 minutes. [00:35:00] Right. It's like you don't really get lost when you're trying to get there in three minutes. But there are a few pieces I've done over the years where like there's one that took a hundred hours and when you get lost in that process, it's almost like you're learning about yourself because it becomes a meditation, kinda like doing mandalas or coloring in or making a really long curry, or taking a really long camino walk or some sort of pilgrimage. There's this place where you unravel from yourself and you become, I feel like almost your soul speaks more. You're more connected to spirit, whatever that is to you. And I think because we're in such a quickly distracted world of dopamine in our phone, dinging and I have all the notifications on my phone turned off. . Yes, it is so key [00:36:00] except for messages because my partner and I have to live separate because we have seven teenagers and I want to be able to talk to her on a regular basis as though we're under the same roof. Other than that, there's no notifications. I don't want that distraction. And I feel like because we're so quickly distracted, we have lost that state of flow in in many ways.
[00:36:23] Rowan: And one of the best things that I try to do is charge my phone in a different room at night. Little tiny things. I heard the guy on a podcast say that that increases your life, joy and livelihood by 10% instantly. You get more sleep, you get better sleep, you're away from the EMFs. You don't reach for it first thing and start scrolling. So you just have gained 20 minutes of your life right there. I think creativity has been suffocated by this world we live in. And so I feel like I'm a part of the group of people fighting for it to get [00:37:00] back.
[00:37:00] Karen (2): , You know, the notifications and the other room thing I do that I can't stand.
[00:37:07] Karen (2): It, and in the end, a few months ago I just went, gone. Everything.
[00:37:13] Karen (2): Yeah,
[00:37:14] Karen (2): it, but it's just not, it's not healthy. You go to bed at night and something's pinging away and I go, oh, forget it. And I even go as far as to put it on airplane mode at night.
[00:37:23] Rowan: Oh yeah. Airplane and do not disturb. And yeah, it feels good. And I try to walk the dog without the phone in my pocket. Sometimes I do. So I can listen, mainly listen to podcasts or books 'cause I struggle to read them. So I do much better with audio. But I feel like it's so important that in the morning if our eyes are going left and right while we walk on a landscape, it really helps our nervous system regulate into that day and make better decisions.
[00:37:55] Rowan: So there's, even if you don't have a dog, just spend 10 minutes walking in the morning [00:38:00] looking left to right and just prepare yourself for the day.
[00:38:02] Karen (2): Have you noticed that when you walk in the morning, people say hello. But if you do the walk in the afternoon, they don't say hello as often.
[00:38:09] Rowan: I don't know, girl, I'm from South Carolina, I say hi every day, 365 days a year. And thankfully in Helensburg, it's not that uncommon to get the good morning and good afternoon on a every person you see. But it's in my blood and you're not taking that away from me.
[00:38:29] Karen (2): So I'm imagining that your children have a much freer way of thinking than you were allowed to have.
[00:38:42] Rowan: Huge, huge. And it didn't happen until I left my husband because I was raising them in that bubble, that suppression, and they were so relieved when I left in the sense that they had always been not a big fan of, [00:39:00] the religious environment, they'd always been against it from the get-go, And we have such a beautiful, healthy relationship now.
[00:39:09] Rowan: My two daughters and I, we talk all the time. We go through life in, an incredible state of openness and it's just fantastic. I feel like they're, they're 15 and 18 now and they talk about everything openly and it's just beautiful.
[00:39:28] Rowan: This week we had to put down our cat and on Monday, and I thought in this day and age, especially in the Western society, we don't do grieving very well, and we don't know how to process grief very well. So I thought, well, how can we do this together? And we didn't leave the cat at the vet. We're like, we're gonna carry her home. And they just sat with her on their laps and cried for an hour and we just like. Let all the feels, all the emotions. And , yesterday we got a [00:40:00] huge, beautiful green pot and filled it with soil and worms and did all the things to make sure that no animals could get to her and then planted a beautiful lily on top. And then we thought, we'll have a beautiful dinner together, and then we'll go for a walk together. And I feel like we kind of just rush through life and we don't really teach our kids very well on how to like be adults. So I talk about all my adult things with them. I talk about budgeting and money and relationships and then they talk to me about their stuff.
[00:40:29] Karen (2): And I think in this world, we lose that ability to communicate with people in general because of these devices we have so good on you. I bet they grow up healthy humans.
[00:40:43] Rowan: I feel that they are, and I'm grateful,
[00:40:45] Karen (2): if there's one truth you'd like to leave the listener with, especially those who feel caught between expectations and truth, what would you want them to know?
[00:40:57] Rowan: It's something I have written over [00:41:00] my calendar. Can I go grab it for those? Yeah, I'll be right back.
[00:41:13] Rowan: For those of you who are listening, I'm holding up a yellow index card and it says there is nothing to prove. Woohoo. You are enough as you are. You have nothing to prove as a healed, former people pleaser who always felt like I needed to be the best at everything, but the brightest, the fastest, the smartest and to achieve, achieve, achieve. And each week I would make to-do lists that I wanted to check off all those boxes. And if I accomplished something that didn't have a box, I'd make it for it. I have relinquished that need to prove to myself and to other people [00:42:00] anything, and that I'm enough as I am. And that is so liberating.
[00:42:04] Rowan: If I get injured or sick and I can't paint and I can't create, and I can't do, I let go of that doing. I just work on being, being a breathing, being present.
[00:42:16] Karen (2): That word presence is so important and at times it's very hard to achieve. You have to work on being present
[00:42:27] Rowan: daily.
[00:42:28] Speaker: To me it's like listening.
[00:42:30] Rowan: Mm-hmm.
[00:42:31] Speaker: You know, to be present you've gotta be listening and not actually speaking and trying to respond.
[00:42:43] Rowan: Yeah. I do a lot of, listening and breath work and I think that we have so much to learn in that area. And I'm currently also studying on water, it's a degree, I'm getting called the art, the science, and the spirituality of water. And in the course I'm learning [00:43:00] how we are so disconnected from ourselves in the sense we are water and yet we don't really know what water is. And so to just spend a year researching water has helped me understand more of who I am. That's a whole nother podcast in itself. But if you're interested, look up , Veda Austin. She's in New Zealand and she is the leading researcher globally on the subject at the moment. Phenomenal.
[00:43:29] Karen (2): Sarah, if people listening today, I can't urge you enough to, have Sarah on your stage because it is, an experience that you will never forget that you'll carry with you, and it's so joyful and it's so much fun.
[00:43:44] Karen (2): When you sit and not even watch your painting, but from my aspect watching the audience, it's just beautiful to see how they're just watching you on a stage.
[00:43:57] Rowan: Thank you Karen. Well, your audience had something a [00:44:00] bit different that I had never done in history before.
[00:44:03] Karen (2): Woohoo.
[00:44:04] Rowan: I, my y'all, I shared my life story through the tattoos on my body and it required a bit of a strip show, but it was, they got their money's worth
[00:44:13] Karen (2): and they, you did have your Peter Alexander pajamas.
[00:44:16] Karen (2): Oh, there's an ad for Peter Alexander.
[00:44:19] Rowan: I did. I had my boxers on and it was like lesbian pajamas.
[00:44:26] Karen (2): So Sarah, thank you so much. You and I are gonna go backstage 'cause I have five more questions I wanna ask you, and they will only take a minute. But for people who subscribe to my little membership area, these are the important questions.
[00:44:40] Karen (2): Or the juicy ones, oh, maybe we'll talk about those pajamas. No we won't. So, Rowan, Sarah, thank you so much. You are. A woman that's made me think more about life, think [00:45:00] more about my truths, and to, embrace uniqueness. That's what I do think about when I think about you.
[00:45:08] Rowan: Oh, thank you.
[00:45:09] Rowan: You are unique. We all are. Let's embrace it. Embrace the weird,
[00:45:13] Karen (2): woo-hoo. So backstage. You know that curtain back there. We're going there now.
[00:45:18] Rowan: Okay. Awesome.
[00:45:19] Karen (2): Bye everyone. Bye bye.
[00:45:22] Karen (2): Sarah Rowan's story reminds us of something we don't hear often enough. The bravery doesn't always arrive with fireworks. Sometimes it arrives as a whisper. Sometimes it looks like staying alive one more year, and sometimes it looks like picking up a paintbrush when words no longer work. Our bodies remember, our creativity remembers and our stories when we're ready to tell them, have a way of setting us free, because often what moves us is pointing us [00:46:00] home.
[00:46:00] Karen (2): Rowan, thank you for your honesty, your courage, and for reminding us that living truthfully is not about being fearless. It's about being willing, and to you who are listening, thank you for being there and for listening deeply. This is sharing stories, changing lives.
[00:46:22] Karen (2): Before you go, if Sarah Rowan's story resonated with you, there's more. In the backstage past we go deeper into the parts we couldn't fully explore. Here we talk about leaving a marriage without vilifying the past. Rebuilding identity. Creative burnout, faith after deconstruction, and what skill still scares her, now off stage and on stage.
[00:46:54] Karen (2): The Backstage Pass is a private member [00:47:00] area@storyroomglobal.com. Go there, check us out. This is Karen Story Room Global.
[00:47:11] CW Voiceover: Thank you for listening to sharing stories, changing lives. If a story today moved you, made you think, or opened a new lens on life. Share it with a friend because when stories travel, their impact grows. To explore more, visit the story room global.com and step inside the backstage pass where you'll find exclusive conversations, workshops, and moments from our live
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