Elizabeth Jane: Reflections | Sharing Stories Changing Lives
Elizabeth a full-time mother of 4 and a wife experienced a sudden realisation that she had lost her way. This awakening propelled her on a profound journey of reflection, discovery and personal growth, as she sought and found her true passion and purpose in life.
Dive Deeper: The Full Conversation with Name
The Core Story
Elizabeth a full-time mother of 4 and a wife experienced a sudden realisation that she had lost her way. This awakening propelled her on a profound journey of reflection, discovery and personal growth, as she sought and found her true passion and purpose in life.
Time-Stamped Breakthrough Moments
Elizabeth Jane, author of Free and First: Unlocking the Ultimate Life, joins Karen Sander for her very first podcast interview. Together, they explore the "ABC of Me"—a simple yet profound tool for navigating difficult emotions. Elizabeth discusses the practical power of "living in the now," using everything from long baths to nature walks and "dancing in the rain" to ground herself during her darkest days.
This conversation is a must-listen for anyone navigating a major life transition, divorce, or the quest for an authentic identity beyond social expectations.
Time-Stamped Breakthrough Moments 💡
[00:03:50] – The Approval Trap: Growing up as a perfectionist and the struggle to speak up for her own needs.
[00:06:15] – The Career Pivot: Moving from Melbourne Uni Commerce and "uninspiring" auditing to the creative joy of primary teaching.
[00:09:00] – The "Whip" of Change: How the end of a 30-year relationship became the catalyst for her "Yellow Brick Road" journey.
[00:12:40] – Finding the "Now": Practical tips for getting out of "catastrophising" and back into the present moment while driving or showering.
[00:16:15] – The ABC of Me: Elizabeth’s framework for Acknowledging, Becoming aware, and taking Choice-based action.
[00:19:30] – Art as Therapy: How a "Cork and Canvas" voucher from her children reignited a passion for painting and healing.
[00:23:00] – Nature is Free: Why walking in a park or baking a cake can be a powerful (and cost-effective) form of meditation.
[00:27:15] – "My Rocket Ship": Elizabeth reads a moving poem from her book about leaving the "noise" behind and finding flight.
Full Episode Transcript
KAREN:
I would like to acknowledge the Goringa people and pay my respects to the Elders, both past and present.
The Goringa people are the traditional owners of this land where we meet today.
Podcast Intro (Narration)
NARRATOR:
Welcome to Sharing Stories, Changing Lives.
Host Karen Sander has the privilege of interviewing individuals from all walks of life, each with their own powerful and inspiring stories. The guests share their life experiences, and in doing so, they celebrate the transformative magic of storytelling.
To learn more, visit www.thestoryroom.au and explore the private membership area, The Backstage Pass.
Episode Opening
KAREN:
Many of us find ourselves caught in the whirlwind of life, always racing towards the next goal, seldom pausing to reflect.
I’m Karen Sander, your host, and I am thrilled to have an inspiring guest on the podcast today. It’s first-time author Elizabeth Jane.
Elizabeth spent many years as a full-time mother of four and a wife who lived a very blessed life. Then there was a defining moment when she experienced a sudden realisation that she had lost her way.
This awakening propelled her on a profound journey of reflection, discovery and personal growth as she sought – and found – her true passion and purpose in life.
Welcome, Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH:
Thanks, Karen, for having me here today.
KAREN:
Yes, this is your first podcast you’ve ever been on?
ELIZABETH:
Yes, I’m very nervous, I must admit, because I haven’t done this sort of thing before at all. So I’m very new.
KAREN:
Well, you’re absolutely going to love it, so don’t worry.
I want to ask you a few questions about yourself and, reflecting on the journey you’ve been on, how did your background and early experiences in life shape the person you became before your current passion and purpose?
Early Life, Approval & Perfectionism
ELIZABETH:
Well, I think, Karen, that I’d spent a lot of my time and energy focusing on keeping everyone happy, trying to meet their needs and keep the peace.
I was the eldest child, I had a younger sister, and I was always looking for the approval of my parents – bringing back A-pluses at school, doing well at sport. I was a bit of a perfectionist.
Then I went to school and tried to keep the teachers happy. Fast forward, I went into a marriage.
So that was my early days. I just really wasn’t good at speaking up about problems or things that bothered me at all. I just sort of kept to myself.
Study, Career & Discovering Teaching
KAREN:
In career choices, after you left school, what did you actually do?
ELIZABETH:
When I left school, I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do – and because I hadn’t really “felt into” what I needed, I suppose that was the point.
I knew that I enjoyed uplifting people and helping people, but my parents encouraged me to do a business degree. So I went into Melbourne Uni and did a commerce degree.
In retrospect, that was great because it’s really given me a good basis for where I’m at today with what I’m doing.
I did not enjoy accounting, I must say. Auditing was… not me – auditing companies, liquidating companies. So I went and did primary school teaching.
As I was sort of finding myself, I realised I really did enjoy helping others, and I got a lot of joy out of teaching.
KAREN:
So teaching was before you were married or after?
ELIZABETH:
After I was married – and it was before the children.
It was a wonderful escape from the accounting side, which just didn’t really work for me.
KAREN:
It actually takes a special type of person to be able to do accounting or that sort of bookwork and paperwork and numbers – and I’m definitely not one of those people either.
But teaching, in contrast – did it help you tap into your creative side a little bit?
ELIZABETH:
Yes, I think that’s when I was starting to find myself, definitely, Karen.
I really enjoyed painting with the children when I had the chance – and because it was primary, I could have done secondary education because of my chartered accounting background, it would have been easier, but I think I quite enjoyed playing with the children and being a child.
So it definitely opened up the creative side of me.
The End of the Marriage & “Losing Me”
KAREN:
I have a question now about passion – it’s sort of a two-part question.
Discovering and following your passion is really a transformative journey. What set you on the journey to leaving your married life, and the journey to rediscover you?
ELIZABETH:
It takes me back to the year 2017, when without much warning, there were a couple of things that took place.
One being, of course, the demise of the marriage, which came as a complete shock to me. I really didn’t know – I went into a spin. I was in shock and then went through grief and anger: “How could this happen to me?” – victim mentality and all that sort of thing.
And then the other thing was that I was doing workshops during the year – self-development workshops, health and wellness – and that culminated in a retreat at the end of the year.
That retreat took me on my first trip for me.
That was really an eye-opener. That was my realisation that I’d lost me in the marriage, under the roles of wife and mother.
This was going to be my first trip that I had actually chosen, that I was actually going on – not for the children, not with my parents, not with my husband.
Why was I going? I was going for me.
And that was the eye-opening moment where I realised I really had to find me. I had to find me again – a real road of discovery.
KAREN:
Was there a particular pivotal moment when you realised that this shift in your life needed to happen? Was it the end of the marriage?
ELIZABETH:
Yes, it was definitely the end of the marriage, because my children – the youngest were the twins – had done their final year.
So I had four adult children flying the coop, and I no longer had the role as their “caring mother” in the same way, because they were living away and doing their own thing.
And then there was also no husband.
So it was a scary moment, actually, Karen. It was just like, “Well, what happens now? How do I…?”
KAREN:
I was just about to ask – you were 25 years married and 30 together, you know, 29–30 years together. I imagine, you’ve mentioned it was scary – there’s fear, maybe abandonment.
What other emotions came into it – like sadness?
ELIZABETH:
I just felt totally helpless and hopeless. Totally… discarded.
So initially, Karen, I must say, I didn’t behave very well. I was out partying, thinking, “Well, someone will love me.”
KAREN:
That’s a natural thing.
ELIZABETH:
Yes, I think a lot of my friends went through that stage – male or female – where you just want to put the trauma aside and you get busy being busy, or busy partying, or busy distracting yourself in any way to take you away from the pain you’re feeling.
And it’s that whole feeling of rejection, isn’t it? “Why am I not wanted?”
KAREN:
Yes. Especially if you’re not expecting it.
You know, I felt like you’re saying, “Did I cook chicken instead of fish or what happened?”
ELIZABETH:
Exactly.
I mean, I would have lived anywhere in the world.
But the great news is, Karen, now in retrospect, I realise that if he hadn’t sort of “got the whip out”, I wouldn’t have found me.
So if I hadn’t gone through this whole traumatic period, I would never have been on my yellow brick road – on my transformational journey.
So I really have my ex-husband to thank for kickstarting me on the journey.
KAREN:
And that’s wonderful in hindsight. But when it’s actually happening to you, you’re just like, “Why me?”
But retrospect is really wonderful when you come out, because I’m very much a believer – and I don’t know if you are – that life gives you what you need.
And at any one time, it’s giving you what you need, even though it doesn’t feel like that at the time.
It is often a gift.
ELIZABETH:
Yes. Yes, now I think that’s exactly right. Those obstacles are opportunities, if we know how to take them and utilise them as opportunities to grow.
Writing Free & First – From Journals to Book
KAREN:
So you’ve written this wonderful book, Free and First: Unlocking the Ultimate Life.
We all have obstacles and challenges in our life. Could you share an obstacle that you faced in getting to the point of really finding you and writing the book?
ELIZABETH:
The biggest obstacle was trying to cope with all the emotions that were going through me at the time. The period of the divorce was quite elongated – it was about five years.
During that time, it gave me a lot of time to journal. Journaling really helped me. I was journaling and then writing notes in my phone, and trying anything to help me feel good – because, you know, the champagne only works for so long.
I was looking for something that was workable and that would help lift me out of the trauma I was in.
As I was writing the notes in my phone and journaling, my book organically grew, because I was sharing my ideas of how to feel good with my kids and my friends.
So yes, the book just sort of grew from there.
KAREN:
I guess dealing with the tough days – is journaling the way you managed that mostly, or were there other things you also did besides journaling? Because days can be really dark.
ELIZABETH:
The things that worked for me – which I detail in my book Free and First – in the really dark, dark days, as you referred to, Karen, were:
I would always say, “Okay, whatever I’ve got on today, I’m just going to do what I need to do – and then I’m going to put myself first and follow a joy.”
Whether that was eating chocolate ice cream or ringing a friend.
On the darkest days, I wouldn’t expect too much of myself. I wouldn’t judge myself. I would nurture myself – soak in the bath.
I have been in baths for a couple of hours, I must admit! I’d light the candles, put the bubbles on and just soak.
And I did start writing notes on my phone for the book in my bath, actually.
Other things were: I would always try and stay in the now, which is a really big tool I learnt.
When I could just get out of my mind – out of fatalising about the future or regretting about the past – I felt much more empowered, and my energy wasn’t being drained with negative thoughts as much.
When I was staying in the now – that’s how I would be when I was in my creative side, when I was writing or painting – then I couldn’t be in my negative voice, in my negative thinking.
Living in the Now & Simple Tools
KAREN:
That whole catastrophising or fatalising, as you put it, is very easy. Sometimes it’s our number one go-to.
And also reflecting – as you referred to – we all reflect and we all catastrophise, some of us more than others, but living in the now is sometimes really difficult.
Have you got any one trick or something that helps you live in the now?
ELIZABETH:
Yes. What I realised is that we have so many thoughts that run through our head, and when we’re not feeling good, I believe we know we’re not in the now.
So if you’re not feeling good, you’re either thinking negatively about the future or the past.
When we’re in the present – to come back, the first trigger for me is: “Hey, I’m not feeling good. Oops, I must be either in the future or the past.”
So I bring myself back into the now by, for example, if I’m driving, I’ll go, “Well, I’m actually going to look at how many colours I can see.”
We’ve all done that automatic driving sometimes – you’re in your car and then you go, “How did I get here? Whoa!” And that’s really not being mindful – that’s the opposite of being mindful.
So if I was driving, I’d say, “Okay, I’m feeling yucky at the moment, I’m not feeling good. I must be in my mind. I’m going to come back and take some deep breaths – deep breathing – and I’m going to look at the colours around me and be in the moment with my driving,” so I don’t end up somewhere I don’t want to be.
KAREN:
That whole internalising, blaming yourself, looking back at your past or catastrophising about the future is such an unhealthy habit.
And I love that you mentioned breathing. How do you find breathing helps you?
ELIZABETH:
If we are focusing on our breathing – because there are so many tools, but breathing is a really good one – we have to be in the present if we’re focusing on our breathing.
It’s something in the “now”.
So to be breathing in, and then gently out – and some people say you should breathe longer out – I often think of letting all the negativity and all the stress and all the frustration and all my worries be washed into Mother Earth or down the plughole of the shower.
When we’re having a shower every morning, we can just think of flushing our worries away, basically.
So, yes, I use my breathing – and I use being under the shower even, you know?
KAREN:
I really like that analogy of breathing it in and washing it down the shower plughole – and you can watch it in your mind, can’t you, going down the plughole?
ELIZABETH:
Yes. Or under a waterfall.
Some people imagine themselves under a teeming waterfall coming down onto your head and flushing out all that you don’t need.
The Book’s Tools – ABC of Me
KAREN:
Share a little bit about your book – the process of writing your book and how it has contributed to your personal growth and your understanding of your ultimate life.
ELIZABETH:
The book, as I said earlier, came about very organically from all the notes I’d been writing, because I’d been doing a lot of yoga and meditation and had been fortunate to be on a few health and wellness retreats in India.
All the notes came together into my book, and I have a few tools in there about how to get through challenges.
One tool is The ABC of Me, where I talk about acknowledging and allowing our feelings – and then feeling our feelings helps us work out what we need.
When we can work out our needs, we can actually fulfil those and feel good.
It sounds very simple, but it does take perseverance and vulnerability to be in your feelings, because I think a lot of people, including myself, don’t like to.
Feelings can be quite yucky and uncomfortable, and it sometimes seems so much easier just to keep busy or to party.
Once I stopped and had time to feel my feelings, it was much easier. My book is about that.
Painting & Poetry as Therapy
KAREN:
Tell us about your painting and your poetry, because there’s a lot of both in your book – which is wonderful.
ELIZABETH:
I don’t really know what came first. The children kickstarted me on my transformational journey, just like my ex-husband did, but in a different way.
They bought me a voucher to Cork and Canvas, which is a painting class. I went along to that and had a bit of a giggle painting a palm tree.
Then I ended up going into painting classes in 2019.
The painting classes really helped me to keep out of my negative thinking and to focus on something. I found painting really healing.
The paintings that were coming to me were quite distinct and quite an array of different ideas, and I found that they were reinforcing the tools I discuss in my book – about how to feel better and step through challenges more gracefully, let’s say.
KAREN:
Oh, I like that – stepping through challenges more gracefully. That’s a nice way of putting it.
And I think painting and using the visual in your mind’s eye is very therapeutic. It’s like writing, isn’t it?
ELIZABETH:
Very much so.
KAREN:
And what about the poetry?
ELIZABETH:
Poetry – I was really just holding the pen. It just came to me.
The poetry is something that I haven’t really looked back on much. I probably write a few poems a week, and during the lockdown I was writing a lot more – as another form of a diary to get down how I feel.
Because to be able to express our feelings is just so important, Karen. If we can unleash how we feel, then we can step into what we need – and then we can be more authentic.
When we’re authentic, I think people see that and we’re in our power. We’re not trying to be someone or do something for someone’s approval. We’re just free.
We’re free and happy.
KAREN:
Well, I was just going to say – poetry, journaling and art/painting is a very cheap form of therapy.
ELIZABETH:
Yes. Yes.
KAREN:
I have some friends who are really good poets and they poetry slam, and they say it’s their therapy in life.
ELIZABETH:
Yes.
And being in nature – we can’t forget being in nature – because that’s really top of my list too.
Every day I’m definitely mindful and meditating, whichever form that takes. That could be a walk in a park. It could be baking a cake. It could be driving from A to B – you can use that as a meditation.
But also being in nature – all those feel-good vibes of being near the sea or in a park. That’s free as well.
KAREN:
Anything that’s free – especially in our very expensive life at the moment. We live in one of the most expensive countries in the world.
But going out and looking at nature is free. Writing a poem is free. Writing down your thoughts and journaling – it is free.
A Road Map: Passion, Purpose & Baby Steps
KAREN:
If there was a road map to reflecting on life and finding your passion and purpose, can you just give us some simple points for that road map?
ELIZABETH:
If I had known what I know now when I was in my deepest, darkest place, I would have loved it – because you can’t really handle too much when you’re in that place.
You don’t want profuse ideas thrown at you because you’re just not ready for them.
I think the most important thing, when someone’s in a really dark place, is I’ll always tell them to take baby steps – baby steps toward you, toward what brings you joy.
As I saw on a children’s book recently – the title was: “When things are not going right, go left.”
I love it.
So I think something as simple as that – if you’re in your deepest, darkest place, choosing “choice points”: choosing things that make you feel good rather than the things that don’t.
You’ve always got choice.
So being in the now, being in the present, stops us being in our thoughts. And following our joy, I think, would be the two fundamental things.
Putting ourselves first is another way of following our joy, because we don’t like following our joy. We think, “Oh gosh, no, I should be doing this, I should be doing that.”
But sometimes we do have to put ourselves first – like the air stewards say on the plane: put your mask on first before you help others.
And I think we can’t be helping others before we’ve helped ourselves first. That’s what I feel.
KAREN:
Exactly.
Look, I think another one – and people are scared to do this – we’re told, “Don’t go out and get wet, it’s raining.” But going and dancing in the rain, especially if it’s not a thunderstorm in summer – to go out when it’s just raining and warm and dance in the rain – it’s another part of being in nature, isn’t it?
Just experiencing the water on you. And it’s wonderful when you’re in the ocean and you’re swimming in the rain. It’s just beautiful.
Poem: My Rocket Ship
KAREN:
Yes. I think you’ve already told us a lot about what’s transformed your life.
Would you share one of the poems that you’ve written in your book Free and First?
ELIZABETH:
Certainly, Karen. This is my book here. This was a really early poem that came to me, because most of my poems came through “in the flow” – you know, in the middle of the night, actually.
So I always have my phone beside me.
This one is about how to get away from the noise – not only from people’s negative thoughts within themselves, but also the matrix of the noise of other people’s negative thoughts.
It’s called “My Rocket Ship.”
I have boarded my rocket ship.
I have the controls.
The drag is incredible at the start,
pulling me down into the mire,
fear tugs at my tail.
I want to bring a lot of passengers with me,
but many have fear.
I must respect their own free will.
I peer through the peephole on life.
It is glistening, magical.
I am free.
The gravitational pull of my fear is no longer.
I soar to the heavens.
KAREN:
A beautiful poem.
And wanting to take people with you, but their own fear is stopping them. I love it – and thank you for sharing a poem.
Your book is really lovely. It’s laid out beautifully. Thank you for sharing it with me – I’ve been reading it at night before I go to bed and I see so many benefits for people in reading it.
You’ve got some great strategies there, and I love your artwork, especially the cover – it’s absolutely beautiful.
You must feel really great. How did you feel when you got your first copies of your book?
ELIZABETH:
Oh, it was really… to actually feel the copies and to hand one to each of my adult children – lots of tears, lots of tears with loved ones that were hanging out for my book: “When can we have a copy of your book?”
I hadn’t given my children a copy yet. I just wanted to do it all organically, all at the one time.
KAREN:
It’s out there now. People can check you out on elizabethjane.com.au.
Thank you, Elizabeth, for joining us. It’s been a really wonderful chat.
ELIZABETH:
Thank you, Karen, for having me.
Host Wrap-Up
KAREN:
A huge thanks to Elizabeth for allowing us to learn from her story of self-discovery, putting herself first and unveiling a brand new purpose in life.
Want to be in the spotlight?
Submit your own tale or express your interest in sharing your unique story at The Story Room live events or on the Sharing Stories, Changing Lives podcast.
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I’m Karen Sander, your host. Until next time.
Outro (Narration)
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